Five South Coast Seasons
Five South Coast Seasons by Roy Slaven
180PP
ABC Books
1992
This is not a review of a book but a gush of appreciation for a collection of scripts for what was a satirical radio drama inside a radio show. For my money it is the most underrated work from one of our most revered comics, a man who is one half of what I consider to be an Australian national treasure, and what’s more, it is a prized possession of mine because the book is signed.
I am referring to Five South Coast Seasons by Roy Slaven, one half of the Rampaging Roy Slaven and HG Nelson comic duo. Back in 1986 before they became famous around the Sydney Olympics, Roy and HG hosted a Saturday afternoon radio show on NSW youth radio 2JJJ. The show was not much different to the show they now do on ABC radio except of course back then it was super fresh and unfamiliar. In 1989 JJJ went national and we all got to hear the genius of This Sporting Life as we recovered from our Friday Night hangovers. Almost all of us have a good idea of what to expect from Roy and HG now and for our overseas goons there are plenty of YouTube videos that highlight their very Australian take on comedy but a regular segment from the 80’s version of This Sporting Life called This Is The South Coast News and I’m Paul Murphy is now somewhat forgotten.
The idea was old-fashioned. Paul Murphy, a distinguished ABC journalist with a magnificent radio voice, read news stories from a fictitious local newspaper called The South Coast News about the people, events and places in and around the real NSW town Ulladulla. But here is the genius. In this alternative universe, Ulladulla is populated by famous Australian sport, TV and music celebrities from the 1960s, 70s and 80s. Paul Murphy read these articles completely straight as any good ABC announcer would, no accents or sound effects. Hence Australian test cricketer Bruce Yardley was the local plumber, actor George Mallaby from early Australian cop show Homicide was the local furniture restorer. Local weatherman Ashley Mallet, another 1970s Australian test cricketer is married to Marcia Hines! There are street names like Benaud and Cronin (unfortunately given Roy and HG were for the most part performing to a NSW audience Aussie Rules references are lacking. Such a shame really, imagine a Jesaulenko Crescent or Phil Carman as the town Police Sargeant and Kevin Bartlett as Mayor.) There is a Little Patti Reserve. Raelene Boyle and Liz Hayes feature amongst many other names you would remember if you were kid or teen at the time and loved your sport and TV.
When read, each segment of 6 or 8 news stories lasted about ten minutes and of course was an exaggerated view into small town life made even more amusing by every resident having a normal job or role while also having a degree of fame in Australia. Not for a moment do you think that this was a universe where people share the same name as famous Australians. No, these were those famous Australians somehow being something else.
The crowning glory was that whilst the presentation was straight, the stories were not. I include photos of some of the pages to give you the idea. Ridiculous exaggeration and yet so based in the real world. The weekly weather report which starts straight but always ends on a philosophical meditation on what it is to be human adds extra pathos to the tomfoolery.
The book works just as well and it’s even more fun if you read the scripts out loud to yourself in your best announcer’s voice. It is impossible to keep the smile, let alone laughter out of your voice. How Paul Murphy did it I will never know. The book features over 50 scripts, illustrations by cartoonist Bill Leak and a map of Ulladulla as Roy and HG saw it. We all know and love Roy and HG for the battered sav, their state of Origin game calls etc. but The South Coast News presents their humour in a more considered style. Back then it was unlike anything else going around.
Like The Castle, Kath and Kim, Barry Humphries and TISM, this is uniquely Australian humour. About us, for us, insightful of us and a piss take of the highest order and quality. I am not sure if it is still in print but if you see Five South Coast Seasons in a shop, you’d be hapless joke not to grab it. And did I mention Roy and HG signed my copy! Roy Slaven’s message to me is “Scooter … it’s time to lift your game and stop being considered a joke.” A mighty gift from my friend Blair.
PRICELESS!
